Midwater

by Purrbot

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1.
01:51
UNWANTED I found myself wondering when it'd be appropriate To take a picture of you without implying anything new/unwanted I found myself running my hands through your chest hair Your head hair and over your tattoos I found myself smelling you on the pillow you used
2.
01:50
PACKING HEAT Packing heat You backed me against the pressboard wall Didn't know if you'd kissed a boy before You tried me out like i was yours to try Quick but effective I wondered how preventative it was For you to say you weren't looking for anything You just wanted to play I said that's fine don't worry
3.
YOU CAN HAVE ME Stripped of my shields of glass and layered clothes I think I was deceived You asked, "Can I have you?" And I answered, "You can have me"
4.
03:59
REMARK You call me at 11:30 Could you be any more overt? Your intentions are apparent and your affections Are transparent Are your means to what end you've put yours in I say no I explain You can call me later if you want to And cultivate this misled thing When you've called I've answered begging Jumping your gun It was only half good You reiterate your invitation and I explain away What more can I say What will keep you at bay But not pull you up on the sand? Your nose I love could still save you If you were brave you could still make something new from this I would rather be my own steadfast lover Than take what you would give me just to get some I am my own affectioneer from here on out I will not take you seriously unless you will take this slow I could just conjure up an eight of wands And it would scare me to know it so well
5.
6.
01:58
HOW TO RUN This feels more right than usual But I'm still worried as I am That I have been out of the race too long To remember how to run It felt over and it felt sad The colorful dream that was that week in your bed With your hand between my legs Should i fight or let flee you? Not to doom us too soon But so far with you I've been hitting the nail on the head I thought everything was so good But as it turns out novelty stepped in And was entertained again Surprise surprise
7.
HANDFUL OF THE WITHHELD It felt like you wanted me to stay Hell, I wanted to stay Maybe now is not the time... I walked home almost waiting for you to run after me I would feel your hand on my shoulder or side I looked like I was holding something to myself I suspected—while there was nothing in my hands— I was holding quite the handful of withheld secrets Secrets not born of fantasy But ones maybe as of yet unripe for picking You were my level And how I would give them up when you came to harvest Was I a shallow read? A vellum sheet over a high-contrasted picture of White white and black black?
8.
02:17
EVERWIDE My hope is everwide And my eyes are open wide And what i see is everything And accepting is the hardest part Rivers are everwide Depending on your size And I may be small But I could be tall Give up category it's outdated The sky here is everwide That is if you're outside And counting stars is only pointless If you don't know that they exist Our land is everwide And with us it abides And it could be nameless And we just tamed it Why just use it and leave it for dead?
9.
02:05
WAX My attraction waxed A high tide With no chance of retreat An unreachable ocean Only a breeze felt And a smell Smelt
10.
MY YOUNG HORSE My young horse If you grew wings you would find you were tethered I worry My balancing act is done Now I want to travel like a spider on a horse Play by play And you were never annoyed You hear everything and you're still around You are the only person i'd ride across town in the freezing cold for As a spider rode on you-as-a-horse's back I rode in your tail and wove it longer You are the only person I am not tense around Your shoes like hooves made that comforting noise
11.
02:10
TWO MOUTHS I liked that we went on a date Though we weren't dating It was a day to ourselves Five whole days in one And every color was richer then Than if we'd stayed at home I saw that you had two mouths And wondered if that was new And which mouth you used And what was different between the two And what each meant to you And what they do You said you didn't say it Because you didn't want me to be sorry To then apologize like I did all the time And you brought that to attention So casually said
12.
02:46
LET IT DOWN Gotta give this dam a chance to fill up Before I go and try to get things right Gotta give and have some down time Before I get up Let it down Gotta let it down softly Let it down Gotta let it down in front of me Gotta keep my distance while nurturing you Before I go and dash all we have now Gotta drop my guard and let you in Before it can't be razed Let it down Gotta let it down softly Let it down Gotta let it down in front of me But it's no longer clear Where I see myself Ten years from now But soon it will be distilled
13.
02:16
ACE OF CUPS What is it about me that says: Try me out! Hassle free! I was embarrassed and ashamed of what buildings i've made I was foolish and afraid to let me loose untamed Can I just tell you you saved me just now On the rug Staying up When you had to go to bed What you said and what you gave Is my new favorite thing And this feeling will never leave I was loved and remade And what name could i give you That would say all I love of you in one word?
14.
01:35
LAMB/LION As a lion I would call you Ask you questions Ask you out And answers were so rarely audible If voiced at all As a lamb I waited I was so often a lamb

about

Digital version of the original booklet is included! First time ever! In all its typewriter, photocopy, polaroid glory.

credits

released June 1, 2005

Written, Produced, and Recorded by Nathan Wade Carter
Copyright 2005 and 2013
All instruments and non-instruments played by Nathan Wade Carter
Art & Photography by Nathan Wade Carter

Thanks Fang, Elephantbird, Scrowl, Skull Penny, Ma, Pa, Ken, Horse, and those who helped advertently or otherwise.

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all rights reserved

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about

Purrbot Portland

Nathan Wade Carter (he/him) is a queer, grey-a, non-binary poet, musician, & artist living in Portland, Oregon. His chapbook is ROYGBIV (Ursus Americanus Press 2017). His poetry can be found in Hobart, Fugue, Gramma Poetry, Poor Claudia, The Fem, & others. He is the editor and founder of SUSAN / The Journal. He writes & performs songs under the name Purrbot. ... more

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