Midwater

by Purrbot

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about

Digital version of the original booklet is included! First time ever! In all its typewriter, photocopy, polaroid glory.

credits

released June 1, 2005

Written, Produced, and Recorded by Nathan Wade Carter
Copyright 2005 and 2013
All instruments and non-instruments played by Nathan Wade Carter
Art & Photography by Nathan Wade Carter

Thanks Fang, Elephantbird, Scrowl, Skull Penny, Ma, Pa, Ken, Horse, and those who helped advertently or otherwise.

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license

all rights reserved

about

Purrbot Portland

Nathan Wade Carter is a queer, grey-a poet, musician, and artist living in Portland, Oregon. His poetry can and will be found in Heavy Feather Review, Horse Less Press, Poor Claudia, Powder Keg Magazine, The Fem, and others. He is editor and founder of SUSAN / The Journal. He writes and performs songs under the name Purrbot. He is recording a new album called DNR. ... more

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Track Name: Unwanted
UNWANTED


I found myself wondering when it'd be appropriate
To take a picture of you without implying anything new/unwanted

I found myself running my hands through your chest hair
Your head hair and over your tattoos
I found myself smelling you on the pillow you used
Track Name: Packing Heat
PACKING HEAT


Packing heat
You backed me against the pressboard wall
Didn't know if you'd kissed a boy before
You tried me out like i was yours to try
Quick but effective
I wondered how preventative it was
For you to say you weren't looking for anything
You just wanted to play
I said that's fine don't worry
Track Name: You Can Have Me
YOU CAN HAVE ME


Stripped of my shields of glass and layered clothes
I think I was deceived
You asked, "Can I have you?"
And I answered, "You can have me"
Track Name: Remark
REMARK


You call me at 11:30
Could you be any more overt?
Your intentions are apparent and your affections
Are transparent
Are your means to what end you've put yours in
I say no
I explain
You can call me later if you want to
And cultivate this misled thing

When you've called I've answered begging
Jumping your gun
It was only half good
You reiterate your invitation and I explain away
What more can I say
What will keep you at bay
But not pull you up on the sand?
Your nose I love could still save you
If you were brave you could still make something new from this

I would rather be my own steadfast lover
Than take what you would give me just to get some
I am my own affectioneer from here on out
I will not take you seriously unless you will take this slow
I could just conjure up an eight of wands
And it would scare me to know it so well
Track Name: How To Run
HOW TO RUN


This feels more right than usual
But I'm still worried as I am
That I have been out of the race too long
To remember how to run
It felt over and it felt sad
The colorful dream that was that week in your bed
With your hand between my legs

Should i fight or let flee you?
Not to doom us too soon
But so far with you
I've been hitting the nail on the head
I thought everything was so good
But as it turns out novelty stepped in
And was entertained again
Surprise surprise
Track Name: Handful Of The Withheld
HANDFUL OF THE WITHHELD


It felt like you wanted me to stay
Hell, I wanted to stay
Maybe now is not the time...
I walked home almost waiting for you to run after me
I would feel your hand on my shoulder or side
I looked like I was holding something to myself
I suspected—while there was nothing in my hands—
I was holding quite the handful of withheld secrets
Secrets not born of fantasy
But ones maybe as of yet unripe for picking
You were my level
And how I would give them up when you came to harvest
Was I a shallow read?
A vellum sheet over a high-contrasted picture of
White white and black black?
Track Name: Everwide
EVERWIDE


My hope is everwide
And my eyes are open wide
And what i see is everything
And accepting is the hardest part
Rivers are everwide
Depending on your size
And I may be small
But I could be tall
Give up category it's outdated

The sky here is everwide
That is if you're outside
And counting stars is only pointless
If you don't know that they exist
Our land is everwide
And with us it abides
And it could be nameless
And we just tamed it
Why just use it and leave it for dead?
Track Name: Wax
WAX


My attraction waxed
A high tide
With no chance of retreat
An unreachable ocean
Only a breeze felt
And a smell
Smelt
Track Name: My Young Horse
MY YOUNG HORSE


My young horse
If you grew wings you would find you were tethered
I worry
My balancing act is done
Now I want to travel like a spider on a horse

Play by play
And you were never annoyed
You hear everything and you're still around
You are the only person i'd ride across town in the freezing cold for
As a spider rode on you-as-a-horse's back
I rode in your tail and wove it longer
You are the only person I am not tense around

Your shoes like hooves made that comforting noise
Track Name: Two Mouths
TWO MOUTHS


I liked that we went on a date
Though we weren't dating
It was a day to ourselves
Five whole days in one
And every color was richer then
Than if we'd stayed at home

I saw that you had two mouths
And wondered if that was new
And which mouth you used
And what was different between the two
And what each meant to you
And what they do

You said you didn't say it
Because you didn't want me to be sorry
To then apologize like I did all the time
And you brought that to attention
So casually said
Track Name: Let It Down
LET IT DOWN


Gotta give this dam a chance to fill up
Before I go and try to get things right
Gotta give and have some down time
Before I get up
Let it down
Gotta let it down softly
Let it down
Gotta let it down in front of me

Gotta keep my distance while nurturing you
Before I go and dash all we have now
Gotta drop my guard and let you in
Before it can't be razed
Let it down
Gotta let it down softly
Let it down
Gotta let it down in front of me

But it's no longer clear
Where I see myself
Ten years from now
But soon it will be distilled
Track Name: Ace Of Cups
ACE OF CUPS


What is it about me that says:
Try me out!
Hassle free!
I was embarrassed and ashamed of what buildings i've made
I was foolish and afraid to let me loose untamed

Can I just tell you you saved me just now
On the rug
Staying up
When you had to go to bed
What you said and what you gave
Is my new favorite thing
And this feeling will never leave
I was loved and remade
And what name could i give you
That would say all I love of you in one word?
Track Name: Lamb/Lion
LAMB/LION


As a lion I would call you
Ask you questions
Ask you out
And answers were so rarely audible
If voiced at all
As a lamb I waited
I was so often a lamb