1. |
At It Again
01:54
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AT IT AGAIN
At it again
I'm not sure if it'll work out this time
There's always that thing
Only the third date and i'm expected to put out
Who do i kid when i jump in head first?
Me or you?
There's always that thing
Whether he's a bad kisser, too insistent or just doesn't call back
I never thought myself a user but all I seem to do is use
Now it's my turn
Do to me what i've done to you
At it again
I'm not sure if you are who you appear to be...
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2. |
Liking Everything
01:53
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LIKING EVERYTHING
I was hungry but I couldn't eat
Don't you know it's your fault?
I couldn't decide what to do next
I was tired but i couldn't sleep
Don't you know you did this to me?
I cannot take in let alone weather what you never dish out
Liking everything becomes liking nothing
One extreme breeds the other
Overproduction creates counter-productivity
I invited you somewhere but you didn't come
Don't you know through what you're putting me?
I cannot decipher your intent or meaning
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3. |
Not In The Woods
02:20
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NOT IN THE WOODS
Not in the woods or are you?
The hunter or the hunted?
The weapon or the chase?
To hell with them both
If I'm dying—which I am—I want to know certain things
I can see why you'd think that I wouldn't know
The mountain man and I
Hiked a mountain trail
And I think I should tell you
I almost kissed you then
When I opened the door snow glittered on his face
The kissing was good
And I wished he would stay
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4. |
Common Feeling
01:59
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COMMON FEELING
I shook from not eating
Was a common feeling
One my dad bequeathed
That and half my artistry
I was weak
You reminded me of my father
Just a little though
It was mainly your chest hair pattern
You were uncut
And I liked we were the same size
We were the same size
Bound and determined
Now that mercury's done f-ing with my life
To shape up and ship out
No sea legs yet
That's what summer's for
I am so drawn to water yet so primally scared
I caught you peeking but I didn't mind
I found out that I was your next-in-line
Your next-in-line
I caught you testing new water with your toe
It was kind of exciting being the other man that he didn't know
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5. |
The Way
02:25
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THE WAY
The way—methodically not memorably or even noticeably—he eats
I noted movements and expressions
And was smitten if you will
And it was so often unrequited and strongly one-sided
And why this trend?
As of yet no one has disarmed me
Or made me or put upon me
Or discarded me or anything
Whatever's left can be left out
The shy thing seems to be working for me
Like it or not
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6. |
Vice Versa
03:29
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VICE VERSA
I think I was hoping to skip the melodrama
I tried to be impartial
Give you a bystander point of view
And you connected with the blow that finally came into view
And you recovered better than i remember you could
I think I expected everyone to be grown up now
I tried to be healthy and communicate what was going on
And you realized you'd been unsettled for a while now
And you just told us whatever would shut us up
It could go vice versa
But that would mean admitting not caring
It could go both ways
But that would mean admitting being in the wrong
I think I was worried you'd decided to quit trying
I tried to show you all possible points of view
And you put up with all our quirks and us with yours
And you hardly listened anymore to what we had to say
It could go vice versa
But that would mean admitting a fault or two
It could go both ways
But that would mean admitting there was a problem
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7. |
You Said
02:12
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YOU SAID
You said, "It's okay, I'm just used to going faster"
And I was glad you were patient with me
But I wanted to give you what you wanted
And I hated that it would take time for me to be ready
You said, "It's been a long time since i've been in the place you're at now"
And I said, "Well I don't want to be here forever"
And I thanked you for being so kind and understanding
It's been a long time since I even thought this could happen to me again
But it's really not to late to consider another avenue
if that's what i am to you
You said, "Thank you so much for last night" profusely
And I felt like you were pressuring me for more
And I was worried I would be the one who was too clingy and needy
It's been a long time since I've had someone to open up to
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8. |
Whoa
02:29
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WHOA
Whoa I think I'm too quiet for my own good
On a good day you can be misunderstood
On a bad day you can't get it straight
I would give up my serenity to make you groan
Would you give up your wildness
To respect my cautious approach?
Whoa I think i'm too gung-ho for this time and place
On a good day you can't quite articulate
On a bad day you get tired of being polite
I would give up my freedom to hear what you have to say
Would you give up what you're used to
To see what i have to teach?
Whoa I think I'm too honest
Even to a fault
On a good day choice is reveled in not overlooked
On a bad day you get away with murder
I would give up my safety to gain experience
Would you step out of place
To grow with, not against?
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9. |
Couldn't Decide
02:20
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COULDN'T DECIDE
I couldn't decide if I was jealous
Or surprised or left out
I want it to be okay if I am boring
If I wear the same clothes every day
I want it to be okay if I'm unspecial
If I am single on new year's eve
I couldn't decide if I wanted
My equal or my polar opposite
I want it to be okay if I skirt the issue
If I am not picture perfect
I want it to be okay if I am dirt poor
If I can't afford to go to a movie
You may push or pressure
You may damn or demean
But I still want to learn more
I still want to be better
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10. |
Declarative
01:29
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DECLARATIVE
Declarative as we were
You only said it so I could feel included
Got lost in propriety
Then I wondered why it was even still around
Instead of caring to much or too little
You took indifference as your strength
As much as I reminded you
There was never any movement in the direction I wanted to go
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Purrbot Portland
Nathan Wade Carter (he/him) is a queer, grey-a, non-binary poet, musician, & artist living in Portland, Oregon. His chapbook is ROYGBIV (Ursus Americanus Press 2017). His poetry can be found in Hobart, Fugue, Gramma Poetry, Poor Claudia, The Fem, & others. He is the editor and founder of SUSAN / The Journal. He writes & performs songs under the name Purrbot. ... more
Purrbot recommends:
The Artist
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I love this album and this artist because it's beautiful, sad, intricate, thoughtful, intelligent, emotional, sweet, real, lovely, timeless and yet of this time. Much love to Jonathan Russell!
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Who Needs Who
by Dark Dark Dark
Because.
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BECAUSE JORDAAN
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earth to ursa major
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Delicate, plangent indie rock from this Toronto singer-songwriter, who here explores the many aspects of depression.
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Westward, to Nowhere
by Ian McCuen
This sweet, mournful “loose concept” album from folk artist Ian McCuen tracks a journey across the bleak landscape of American life.
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