The Way

by Purrbot

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1.
01:54
AT IT AGAIN At it again I'm not sure if it'll work out this time There's always that thing Only the third date and i'm expected to put out Who do i kid when i jump in head first? Me or you? There's always that thing Whether he's a bad kisser, too insistent or just doesn't call back I never thought myself a user but all I seem to do is use Now it's my turn Do to me what i've done to you At it again I'm not sure if you are who you appear to be...
2.
LIKING EVERYTHING I was hungry but I couldn't eat Don't you know it's your fault? I couldn't decide what to do next I was tired but i couldn't sleep Don't you know you did this to me? I cannot take in let alone weather what you never dish out Liking everything becomes liking nothing One extreme breeds the other Overproduction creates counter-productivity I invited you somewhere but you didn't come Don't you know through what you're putting me? I cannot decipher your intent or meaning
3.
NOT IN THE WOODS Not in the woods or are you? The hunter or the hunted? The weapon or the chase? To hell with them both If I'm dying—which I am—I want to know certain things I can see why you'd think that I wouldn't know The mountain man and I Hiked a mountain trail And I think I should tell you I almost kissed you then When I opened the door snow glittered on his face The kissing was good And I wished he would stay
4.
COMMON FEELING I shook from not eating Was a common feeling One my dad bequeathed That and half my artistry I was weak You reminded me of my father Just a little though It was mainly your chest hair pattern You were uncut And I liked we were the same size We were the same size Bound and determined Now that mercury's done f-ing with my life To shape up and ship out No sea legs yet That's what summer's for I am so drawn to water yet so primally scared I caught you peeking but I didn't mind I found out that I was your next-in-line Your next-in-line I caught you testing new water with your toe It was kind of exciting being the other man that he didn't know
5.
02:25
THE WAY The way—methodically not memorably or even noticeably—he eats I noted movements and expressions And was smitten if you will And it was so often unrequited and strongly one-sided And why this trend? As of yet no one has disarmed me Or made me or put upon me Or discarded me or anything Whatever's left can be left out The shy thing seems to be working for me Like it or not
6.
03:29
VICE VERSA I think I was hoping to skip the melodrama I tried to be impartial Give you a bystander point of view And you connected with the blow that finally came into view And you recovered better than i remember you could I think I expected everyone to be grown up now I tried to be healthy and communicate what was going on And you realized you'd been unsettled for a while now And you just told us whatever would shut us up It could go vice versa But that would mean admitting not caring It could go both ways But that would mean admitting being in the wrong I think I was worried you'd decided to quit trying I tried to show you all possible points of view And you put up with all our quirks and us with yours And you hardly listened anymore to what we had to say It could go vice versa But that would mean admitting a fault or two It could go both ways But that would mean admitting there was a problem
7.
02:12
YOU SAID You said, "It's okay, I'm just used to going faster" And I was glad you were patient with me But I wanted to give you what you wanted And I hated that it would take time for me to be ready You said, "It's been a long time since i've been in the place you're at now" And I said, "Well I don't want to be here forever" And I thanked you for being so kind and understanding It's been a long time since I even thought this could happen to me again But it's really not to late to consider another avenue if that's what i am to you You said, "Thank you so much for last night" profusely And I felt like you were pressuring me for more And I was worried I would be the one who was too clingy and needy It's been a long time since I've had someone to open up to
8.
02:29
WHOA Whoa I think I'm too quiet for my own good On a good day you can be misunderstood On a bad day you can't get it straight I would give up my serenity to make you groan Would you give up your wildness To respect my cautious approach? Whoa I think i'm too gung-ho for this time and place On a good day you can't quite articulate On a bad day you get tired of being polite I would give up my freedom to hear what you have to say Would you give up what you're used to To see what i have to teach? Whoa I think I'm too honest Even to a fault On a good day choice is reveled in not overlooked On a bad day you get away with murder I would give up my safety to gain experience Would you step out of place To grow with, not against?
9.
COULDN'T DECIDE I couldn't decide if I was jealous Or surprised or left out I want it to be okay if I am boring If I wear the same clothes every day I want it to be okay if I'm unspecial If I am single on new year's eve I couldn't decide if I wanted My equal or my polar opposite I want it to be okay if I skirt the issue If I am not picture perfect I want it to be okay if I am dirt poor If I can't afford to go to a movie You may push or pressure You may damn or demean But I still want to learn more I still want to be better
10.
01:29
DECLARATIVE Declarative as we were You only said it so I could feel included Got lost in propriety Then I wondered why it was even still around Instead of caring to much or too little You took indifference as your strength As much as I reminded you There was never any movement in the direction I wanted to go

about

Digital version of the original booklet is included! First time ever! In all it's photocopied, sharpied, misspelled glory.

credits

released June 1, 2004

All songs by Nathan Wade Carter
Produced by Blake Bickel and Nathan Wade Carter

Nathan: Keyboards, guitars, vocals, percussion
Blake: Bass, guitar, percussion, sampling

Thanks all family, friends, and foes.

© 2004 & 2013 Nathan Wade Carter

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about

Purrbot Portland

Nathan Wade Carter (he/him) is a queer, grey-a, non-binary poet, musician, & artist living in Portland, Oregon. His chapbook is ROYGBIV (Ursus Americanus Press 2017). His poetry can be found in Hobart, Fugue, Gramma Poetry, Poor Claudia, The Fem, & others. He is the editor and founder of SUSAN / The Journal. He writes & performs songs under the name Purrbot. ... more

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